Wedding Thoughts

In the last 21 days, lot of people who know me by varying degrees have asked how the wedding was. Lots of my friends who are roughly my age have asked how married life is.

I find my feelings about the later question are much simpler than the first one. Married life is great. It's not that much different than before, honestly, but now I know I've got a partner and that makes everything else feel more important, and more exciting. While we might not have a "honeymoon" period, so to speak, I'm still getting used to the idea of Brett not just being my best friend and companion for the day, or the week, but for the rest of our lives. Everything we do together now is an investment in that future. We still go to work, watch TV, and take the dog out, but right now, those little things feel nicer because they're really the building blocks of the rest of our lives. Going for a bike ride to the farmer's market down the road with my husband feels completely different than going with my fiance.

On a different note, the wedding was a strange day. I know I was supposed to feel blissful and peaceful and that all the stress was supposed to just melt away when I saw Brett at the end of the aisle. I know that people who didn't know the things I had planned didn't know if they went smoothly or not and didn't care one way or another. I also know that it was really really hard for me to let go of the stress and let go of the desire to have everything go smoothly. I keep telling people who ask that it was a great day. It really was, but I wish I had been able to be more present in the moment, instead of worrying about the next part of the day and whether it was going to be right when I got to it. And I feel guilty that that's how I remember it.

It was a little bit like going on vacation to a completely amazing place so wonderful you feel like you have to do as much as is humanly possible to take full advantage of it. But then you wind up feeling like you didn't get everything done and that you didn't get the full value of what you actually did do because you were so busy planning how to get to the Parthenon you forgot to enjoy the resturant you were eating at.

I will say that the best parts of the day were the less crazy parts where I wasn't thinking about the next part. Getting up early to buy flowers at the farmer's market with my friends was great, and having that project to work on with Karen and Chels helped keep me calm. I really enjoyed the quiet moment with my brand new husband in the buggy at the top of the hill, and holding on to him as we walked to the reception site, Joe and Libby our amazing photographers snapping away behind us. Talking with folks after dinner, lighting up the sparklers and playing bags in the dark. The parts of the day where I just got to relax and be me for a little while were great.

So my advice to brides everywhere? If you are a planner by nature, a manager by trade, or any kind of control freak, hire a day of coordinator, let them worry about it and get your bridal crew to run interference so no one asks you a single blinking question all day long. Your opinion on how to handle clearing the tables is not even vaguely as important as you enjoying your first meal with your spouse and dearly loved ones, so let someone else handle it. I was lucky that Chels did so much of that for me with no warning and little enough thanks, but even so no fewer than four people asked me how I wanted the tables cleared as I got a plate of food and sat down to eat. Hire someone competent who you trust then relax and be present with your spouse and your loved ones. It's not an opportunity we get often in life.

Looking back at the wedding I know it was beautiful, that it was full of people who came to wish us love and happiness, that it reflected Brett and myself (sometimes too much!) and that it brought us closer together. It set the stage for the life we're living now and for that I will always be thankful.