First, my reasons for marrying...

In the midst of the fluffy white princess haze of wedding planning on The Knot and Martha Stewarts weddings and the like, I've seen how quickly my urge to control every little detail to blissful wedding perfection can rear its ugly tiara-ed head. For shame Kate!

Today I Googled "feminist wedding" to get another perspective, and I'm super glad I did. I came across this blog and while the entry was interesting, the comments were great. I disagreed with most of them, but they made me think again about why I want to be married, why it's important to me that Brett and I have a ceremony and a reception when yes, they are enormously expensive, largely centered on consumerism, not equally available or joyful for all American citizens, and often a woefully tense start to so many short marraiges.

Even while I'm stressing out about finding the perfect caterer, I found an even better article on the Boston Review website. It's more picking apart the role of class in wedding planning, but identifies exactly the sentiment that is so terrifying, "'A wedding is a couple's day of days,' proclaims the latest edition of Emily Post, raising the bar of expectation up to the stratosphere."

On the other hand we have Miss Manners who declares, "Few of those who prattle about the 'happiest day' seem to consider the dour expectations this suggests about the marriage from its second day on. . . . At any rate, someone whose idea of ultimate happiness is a day spent at a big party, even spent being the center of attention at a marvelous big party, is too young to get married." Here, here.

And then I found offbeatbride.com and a great article on being tacky at your wedding. Basically, the theme is, "Tacky: the dark monster that creeps in at night … tacky is the manifestation of your fears that people won't approve of your wedding."

So in the middle of deciding if my guests will be happy with just one meat option instead of two, or if I need to rent chair covers to polish off "the look"I need to remember why we're doing any of this instead of just going to a courthouse and having a Justice marry us.

I'm getting married in front of my family and friends in a place that is meaningful to Brett and me as a couple because, no matter what anyone else says, traditions are important. I want to have a ceremony where Brett and I can define the duties and joys of our marriage in front of the people we most care about; to involve them as our community in our promises to each other. I want their blessings because I know we will rely on them for support in our future together.

Weddings are times to gather to celebrate new beginnings and be merry. Not every one of our guests will be perfectly satisfied with every detail of the big day but I'm confident that as long as Brett and I stay true to the things that make us who we are that OUR happiness will reflect on the whole event and make it a memorable day for everyone involved.